A Reflection On The Year 2021
Cerro Tzankujil (Nature Reserve), San Marcos, Guatemala
As I reflect on my own life in the past year, one of my biggest lessons was recognizing how self-abandonment and codependence almost made me self sabotage in 2021.
I entered 2021 recovering from burnout in late 2020. Feelings of burnout led to huge self-abandonment. Self-abandonment led me to make poor decisions in dating after I was rudely awakened by the urgency to heal from the victim mentality that showed up in my dating relationship and all my senses were hyper aware of how I quickly assume the role of caretaker, how I victimize others inside their struggle and how my well intentioned advice and clever problem-solving strategies were really codependence.
Weeks before this revelation I was so sure I was not codependent (haha) until my denial bubble popped. Who am I kidding??
The crazy thing about trauma is that it comes with gifts. I intuitively know things and my knower is annoying AF and sometimes she won’t shut up (I need to name her). Not to mention, one can gain a ton of wisdom at the cost of traumatic events. That’s annoying too because some of us become seers, feelers and doers…. all the dang things at once; and we’re likely codependent can often self abandon.
But like I said, I left that behind in 2021.
2021 was my year of growth and maturity. I made space to invest in and show up up for myself in ways I never did before.
Making space looked like no longer serving at church, no longer showing up in spaces that did not feed the journey God was taking me on, making new friends that gave me the depth I was longing for; I sought to reconcile relationships that were strained AND the best of all I leveled up mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
Here are some ways I tangibly invested in my growth in 2021.
I wish I could share all the details with how each have impacted me, but just know that they all have, in one way or another served me with their gifts, offerings, programs, teachings.
If you feel like in 2022 your top priority is to focus on you, my prayer for you is to seek out safe enough people and places to meet you where you’re at. You have permission to revisit old agreements in relationships that no longer serving you and set new ones. Renew and terminate contracts that weighing you down and causing you to self-sabotage your growth. I pray you prioritize new and creative ways to invest in yourself and of course I hope you travel too!
As we take time to reflect, many of us will be forced to be still, to go inward, to reminisce on the pockets of joy or to highlight our proudest moments.
May you look back in amazement of how much you’ve accomplished. I hope you’re proud of you.
May you look back in wonder of how brave you were embrace the scary to try new and challenging things.
May you look back with a smile for how much you laughed until you cried, fell off your chair or until your belly hurt.
May those moments serve as a good resource for hard days.
For many of us, we’re arrested by the ghost of grief and its sister self pity may come to claim us, erase all else and twist our tongue in could haves and should haves. Disappointments.
May you feel comforted by self-compassion and grounded in the weight of gratitude. You are exactly where you need to be.
Perhaps its grief from losing a loved one. I’m sorry.
May you find solace in the flow of your silent tears until your eyes are clear enough to see - your guardian angel. You can take all the time you need.
For many of us, we’re planning for the future, digging deep into the mystery and power of the vision board, searching for that ONE word to feel anchored in the journey or bending our knees and leaning in for a Holy Spirit infused scripture that’ll serve as a guide on the way forward.
May you hold those dreams tightly, but loosely and may perpetual light shine brightly on its unfolding.
As you look back in awe, I pray you hold truth and compassion near and may all that is unlived in you blossom into the future all that is pure, lovely and true.
However you choose to reflect, I just wanted to say, I feel proud of you for leaning in to connection with you.